Blog, Tips and Dating Support for Singles in Switzerland
5 Simple Tips to Create Connection on a Date
What you’ll learn:
Many single women I work with give up after the first date because they “didn’t feel a spark.”
It’s possible to create a connection with the man you’ve just met but you also need to make an effort.
Body language plays an important role in making a connection.
Remember to express your genuine appreciation of your date and seek what you have in common.
As they start to search for love, one of the biggest challenges that single women face is finding a real connection with a man. I hear quite often about how a date went well, or they had a nice time but… “There just wasn’t any spark.”
What if there is no spark on a first date?
Just this morning I spoke with a wonderful woman who explained to me, “Well yes, I’ve met some nice people over the years, but I’ve just never felt a connection. I’ve never left a date feeling that ‘wow’ factor that I’m looking for, and so I always just move on.”
These kinds of comments are so common that I’ve come to expect them. But you might be surprised to find out just how many people have gone on to have long lasting, fulfilling relationships with people who they at first didn’t feel any ‘spark’ with. Read here for some funny stories about a few clients of mine who experienced just that.
Wouldn’t you rather have an immediate connection with someone on a first date, though?
Well, the amount of spark or connection you feel on a date, especially a first date, is much more within your control than you might think.
Is it possible to create a connection?
Yes! It is. And it’s a lot easier than you think. In fact, in my coaching program this is something we work on that makes an immediate difference. We look into specific things that are sabotaging you from creating a connection and work on ways to create opportunities for a deep and meaningful interaction. This helps you as you start dating again, but it also helps in all aspects of your life.
Once you realize how much you contribute to your ability to connect with other people you will start to see how you can communicate with everyone in your life differently, better--whether that be with your neighbor, your mother, a colleague, or the person sitting across from you on your first date.
5 Tips to Create Connection on a Date
Here are five of my best tips to help you create a deeper connection on your next date:
1. Open your body language.
Giving visual and verbal clues is fundamental to help the other person see that you are open to the date and that you are engaged and interested in them.
Imagine going on a date with someone who doesn’t make eye contact, constantly checks their phone, and sits with their legs together pointed towards the door. That would be pretty off-putting, wouldn’t it? Imagine instead, someone who gives you their undivided attention, sits directly in front of you with their shoulders back, leans in, attentive and open.
I frequently hear, ‘‘But when I go out, I don’t meet people who are that engaged in the conversation from the beginning.’’ Instead of waiting to see what the other person will do, be willing to take this first step and you will quickly see a change in the quality of people that you are meeting. What you’ll see is that the quality of people hasn’t actually changed at all, but you have!
2. Look out for (and point out!) commonalities.
Instead of looking for differences, look for the things you and your date have in common or share, and point them out.
Here are some examples:
‘‘Wow, it’s amazing we both moved to Switzerland 10 years ago!’’
‘‘Hey, I can’t believe we both used to play competitive tennis.’’
‘‘How funny is it that we both studied law and ended up working in pharma.’’
‘‘Wow! We both moved here with teenage kids!’’
‘‘I can’t get over how we both worked in Singapore before moving to Zurich.’’
When you actively look for commonalities, you’re much more likely to find them. When you do, be sure to point them out so your date can start to see them, too!
3. Give your date clear affirmations and show appreciation.
To show that you are open and interested in the date, give clear affirmations. It is important to men that they feel like they can make their partners happy so if you do not show signs that you are enjoying your date and appreciate him, he may not be interested in seeing you again.
As he shares something with you, make sure that you acknowledge it and give positive feedback. Whenever you feel like you’re enjoying the conversation or learning about him make sure you say so!
Here’s what that might look like:
‘‘That’s so interesting.”
‘‘I’m really enjoying our conversation.’’
‘‘That sounds fun.”
‘‘I’m so glad you shared that with me.’’
‘‘That is amazing.”
Don’t leave him wondering if his stories are entertaining you or if you’re enjoying his company… let him know! Give everyone the opportunity to feel like you are 100% open to the possibility of things working out and you’re much more likely to see the best side of them in return.
4. Ask the ‘why’ questions.
Ever been on a first date that started to feel like a job interview? If so, you likely got stuck in the ‘‘What?’’ questions. ‘‘What’’ questions can lead to choppy back and forth conversation that can quickly extinguish any chance of a spark.
Even if you start with, ‘‘What’s your favorite vacation destination?’’ and he responds, “Iceland,” Instead of asking another ‘‘What’’ question, follow up with something like, “Oh interesting, why is it your favorite?”
The type of answer you’ll get with a ‘why’ question will give you a real chance to better understand the other person. “Well, my great grandfather was originally from there then moved to Switzerland…” and you’ll learn more about them on a deeper level.
Remember, you always want to give yourself the opportunity to see the best side of someone and give yourself the best chance for things to work out. Ask the ‘‘why’’ questions to create a deeper connection.
5. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and show up as you truly are.
It’s important to show up to dates as the best version of yourself. Part of this is being your most authentic self. This means understanding and owning who you are and what it is you want and need from a partner and a relationship and being able to communicate that with clarity and grace.
In the same way that you want to get a chance to see the best side of your dates, you should show up as the best version of your authentic self. Be honest about who you are, be yourself whilst putting your best foot forward.
Sometimes I’ll hear from women that, ‘‘He should like me for who I am, a smart, interesting, successful woman with a great personality and a lot of love to offer so I shouldn’t need to get dressed up or make a special effort and redo my hair or wear makeup.’’
It’s true that this may be your authentic self, but making a little effort can go a long way. By paying attention to details you’re showing that this is a special occasion and important to you. You wouldn’t want the other person to show up wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt even if that is how they would dress if they were at home on a Saturday, so make an effort for them too.
When you create these sorts of opportunities to show up fully, you’ll start to see a shift in the quality of conversations and interactions you have. Again, nobody else has changed but the change that has happened inside of you is affecting the way you connect with other people and how comfortable they feel sharing themselves with you.
Why are you still single? Time to find out!
If it’s been ages since you last felt the spark of true connection with someone then maybe it’s time to find out why you’re still single. Click here to get instant access to my free Masterclass here, “Why are you still single?”