Trea Tijmens

Trea Tijmens is a successful matchmaker and award-winning dating expert and coach. Since 2005, Trea successfully helps her select single, divorced and widowed clientèle find love. In this blog she shares dating and relationships tips and advice. Enjoy!

5 Reasons Your Love Life Isn't Where You Want It to Be - and What to Do Instead

Are you successful in all areas of your life except for the one big one - love?

If you’ve been searching for the right life partner and had little to no luck, you’re not alone. If you’re feeling disappointed, overwhelmed, sad, frustrated or apprehensive, you’re not alone. And I’m here to tell you there is a much better way to find what you’re looking for.

5 reasons love life not successful

I’ve been helping highly successful professionals find good life partners and build happy and fulfilling relationships, get married and create the beautiful families they’ve always desired for 15+ years.

So if today, you feel like you are almost ready to give up on love - don’t!

Because you know that something (or rather, someone) is truly missing in your life and there is still a part of you (no matter how small) that wants it and believes it can still happen for you. And it absolutely can!

You can have all the success in the world, but if you can't share it with someone, what's the point? People simply do not thrive without love.

Imagine how much better life would be with the unconditional support and love from a partner by your side? Well, it’s possible for you, and closer than you might think. But first, you need to get clear on what’s been holding you back until now.

5 things that are likely holding you back from finding love.

1. You’re too focused on your job.

Passion is great and has likely helped you get to where you are in your career and life and it’s likely something that is very attractive about you. But… sometimes we use our jobs as an excuse or a crutch, oftentimes without even realizing we’re doing it.

Have you ever worked on a Saturday when you didn’t NEED to? Maybe you thought, “No one needs me home anyway.” Pouring ourselves into our work can often be an easy alternative to avoid facing the reality of being alone and going home to an empty house.

Sometimes we spend so much time and energy getting to where we are in our careers that we lose track of time. You wake up one day and feel like you’ve “missed the boat” to find a life partner. It’s so easy to get constantly caught up in the next promotion, the next project, the next launch that we lose sight of everything else.

What to do instead: Make your personal happiness and wellbeing your priority and commit to investing the necessary time, energy and resources into finding the right partner to share your life with.

Prioritize making work a part of your life and not your entire life. Force yourself to leave the office at the end of the work day and leave weekends open for your personal life. Trust me, your future self (and relationship) will thank you!

2. You’re not actively seeking out new people.

So often we stay within our own bubble in our lives and don’t realize that the message we are sending to the world is that we aren’t interested in anything new, including meeting people and having new experiences. Make a conscious choice to actively open yourself up and make space for new people in your life. I cannot stress enough how critical this is to finding a partner.

Once you commit to making more time for your personal life, you have to actually do something with that time.

What to do instead: Create and recognize and act upon opportunities to meet new people and initiate connections whenever possible.

Need some fresh ideas for ways you can meet new people (even in a pandemic)? Check out this article.

3. You’re settling for less.

It’s important to sit down and write out what your relationship goal is and what you need to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship. What is truly important and non negotiable for you in a partner? How do you want to feel loved? Once you have your priorities clear and have identified what you need to be happy and fulfilled in a long term, committed relationship - don’t settle for less!

What to do instead: Communicate your needs (with clarity and grace) to potential partners and if someone isn’t meeting one of your primary needs, or is not investing in dating you or your relationship, then it is time to move on - only make space for people who have the same relationship goal and the key qualities you need to be happy and fulfilled plus are willing to make you a priority.

The earlier you do this (after giving someone a fair chance) the easier it will be and the more likely you will be to find what you are truly looking for.

4. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself and potential partners.

If you feel like you have no more time to waste and you are on a mission to get a boyfriend, a husband, a baby, or all of these things… This can be an easy trap to fall into. And it makes sense, you want to be super efficient. You don’t want to waste your time or anyone else’s. Here’s the problem with that: when you do this, you put too much pressure on yourself and others and likely filter people out prematurely.

Have you ever gone on a first date but quickly decided that the fact that they don’t love dogs (or some other personal preference that you don’t agree with) was enough to not call for a second date?

If you’re on the fence about someone you just met, use this checklist to see if you should try a second date or not.

Be in the present moment. You’re also not meant to get married on a first date so stop asking yourself huge questions like, “Could I picture myself having children with a man who doesn’t eat gluten?”

What to do instead: Be fair to yourself and any potential partner when dating. Prioritize progress over perfection (perfection does not exist so you are only setting yourself up for failure if you make it your goal). Create momentum and take enough time to get to know someone a bit better before writing them off.

5. You aren’t investing enough time and energy.

If you want to be in a happy, fulfilling, committed relationship but you are currently single, you need to sit down and get really honest with yourself as to why that is.

With any goal you need to allocate the necessary time, energy and resources in order to accomplish it. The bigger the goal the bigger the investment. How much does finding love mean to you? How different would your life be with a partner by your side providing you with unconditional love and support? How much time, energy and resources have you invested in your personal happiness and finding a life partner?

What to do instead: Make active choices to dedicate time and resources to finding and maintaining a relationship.

If you truly feel like you are willing to do what it takes and commit the time, energy and resources needed to find a partner in life, I’d love to help you achieve your goal faster than you ever imagined possible.

Did you know that 85% of my clients find a great partner and are in a happy relationship by the time I stop working with them? Click here to schedule a complimentary consultation now.

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Saturday, 25 September 2021

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