Trea Tijmens

Trea Tijmens is a successful matchmaker and award-winning dating expert and coach. Since 2005, Trea successfully helps her select single, divorced and widowed clientèle find love. In this blog she shares dating and relationships tips and advice. Enjoy!

3 Tips for Virtual Dating as a First Step to Meeting the Right Partner

Even if You Are Resistant to Using Dating Apps or Haven’t Had Any Luck With Them in the Past

The pandemic has completely altered the dating game. Many of the usual places you could potentially meet someone--the gym, restaurants, expositions, bars--are now closed. We are encouraged to stay home and when we do leave our homes we observe physical distancing and are wearing masks. The traditional ways to meet someone in real life are near impossible.

Yet one fundamental thing remains the same: the desire to connect and find love.

virtual dating 3 tips

As a result, there’s been a huge surge of single men and women turning to dating apps. Many women who were resistant to dating online realized this was their only opportunity to meet men for the foreseeable future.

Now, nothing beats meeting someone in real life. However, what many women discovered is that virtual dating as a first step has some major advantages.

Advantages of Virtual Dating as a First Step

Easy to organize: All you need is a laptop/tablet/smart phone and a free video conferencing platform like Zoom, Skype or Google Hangouts.

Go on more dates in less time: The more dates you go on, the more chances you have of finding the right partner. For many women, going on more than 1 date per week is already a major achievement. When you do virtual dating you can easily go on several dates a week without much extra effort. Added perks: you don’t have to drive, get stuck in traffic or struggle to find parking.

Get a feel for the other person: This is the perfect way to assess if they match their profile picture and description and if you enjoy conversation with them and would want to get a coffee with them in real life.

No distractions: In a virtual setting, there aren’t any nearby tables or eavesdropping. It’s just you and the other person and you can focus on each other and be more present.

There are many benefits to virtual dating. Although the majority of my single lady clients were highly resistant or completely unwilling to initially use the dating apps, many of my coaching clients have met their life partners on a dating app.

Had they not given it a chance, they would have never met their amazing life partners.

And remember, we are talking about leveraging the apps as a starting point that should evolve to dating in person and building a relationship in real life.

3 Tips for Virtual Dating as a Starting Point To Maximize Your Chances of Finding the Right Partner

#1: Be camera ready.

Be well dressed and groomed. It is a date and a special occasion, treat it as such! You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.

Make sure your camera is set up at the right angle. If possible use a computer on a table, or prop your phone or tablet at a good angle. Avoid putting your device on your lap at an unflattering angle.

Have good lighting. Natural sunlight is best but if you don’t have a space that allows for that, be sure to set yourself up by a warm or neutral lamp.

Pick a neutral background. Avoid messy areas in your home. Aim for a clean wall with no distracting decor.

#2: Keep the date short.

Keep the first video date short, to about 20 minutes. There are a few reasons for this. If you schedule a virtual date from 6-8pm and after ten minutes you clearly see it is not going well and you are not enjoying yourself, you will feel stuck, uncomfortable and searching for an excuse to leave.

This first date serves as an initial point of contact. Twenty minutes gives you enough time to know if you like each other, are interested in meeting again, and want to get to know eachother better. You can easily talk to anyone for 20 minutes and then wrap it up. If it goes well, you can plan for a second virtual date or perhaps meet in person next time. Keeping the date short and ending on a high also creates desire and leaves the other person wanting more.

If you’re 100% sure you are not compatible, then end the date (not sure what to say? Check out tip #3 below). If you're on the fence, use these questions to decide if you should go on a second date.

#3: Stay positive.

Avoid negative talk on your date. There are a few common icebreakers single women default to on dates which I advise against because they set the stage for a negative and unproductive conversation. Topics to avoid include: asking about their dating experience so far, how long they’ve been on the App, why they’re/you’re still single, and past relationships. This should be an enjoyable moment for you both. Avoid complaining and negative talk.

If you discover you're not interested in the other person, you don’t have to justify why you’re not interested. In fact, if you do it can often backfire. It can trigger the other person to get defensive and they may say something negative back.

Be pleasant and simply share that you aren’t feeling it. They can’t argue with that or force you to feel a connection. Whether you had a good time or not, be polite and end on a positive note. Simply say, “It was nice meeting you. I don’t see this going any further. I wish you well and good luck.”

Follow these tips on your next virtual date to create a memorable first impression that hopefully leads to a wonderful second date.

For the past 15+ years at Success Match, I’ve been helping single women find happy lasting relationships with the right partner.

I use a holistic approach that focuses on 3 pillars: Being, Finding, and Choosing The Right Partner:

Being the Right Partner. First, we get clear about where you want to go and what you want to achieve. We clearly define what you need from a partner, the specific qualities you’re looking for, and what constitutes as your deal breakers.

Finding the Right Partner. Next, we dive into how to create, recognize, and act upon opportunities in real life and on dating apps, even if you’ve done this for years with no luck. I walk you step by step through it to show you exactly what you’ve been doing wrong and what to do instead.

In fact, one of my favorite clients recently shared, “I am proud to have overcome that one challenge that I always avoided: my fear of online dating and Tinder especially. Meeting my now serious and committed boyfriend of about 7 months on Tinder of all places is proof it was worthwhile to ‘take that bull by the horns.’”

Choosing the Right Partner. As an award-winning dating expert, I provide you with the tools and support to build a solid foundation and resolve conflicts constructively when they come up (because they will - even the healthiest and happiest relationships have conflict from time to time) to realize your vision of the most compatible, loving relationship you desire.

If you’ve been using dating apps without much luck, or resisting them altogether because, “they don’t work” or you’d rather meet someone in real life, I highly encourage you to give it another shot and get support when needed.

With the current state of the world, and the uncertainties of the pandemic, virtual dating is here to stay.

Therefore you have to be pragmatic and focus on what is within your control and what you can do to meet someone.

Virtual dating won’t replace in-person connection, but it’s the perfect first step before meeting in real life.

What’s the biggest struggle you’re having when it comes to dating virtually at this time?

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Saturday, 25 September 2021

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