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Trea Tijmens

Trea Tijmens is a successful matchmaker and dating coach. Since 2005, Trea has met and helped thousands of single, divorced and widowed professionals. In this blog she shares dating and relationships tips and advice and humor. Enjoy!

The Myth about Instant Chemistry and Finding a Life Partner

Ok, yes, I admit; I do believe in "love at first sight" and instant chemistry! However, I also know from experience (personal as well as professional) that the spark between two people can actually start after two people have gotten to know each other better.It is a Myth that instant chemistry is required in identifying and finding a life partner. Some people are of the opinion that if they do not have butterflies in their tummy within the first 5 minutes after meeting someone, it is never going to work. I think that is not true; it can still work if we give it a chance.

When I first met my husband there was no spark whatsoever. It actually took quite a while before I started appreciating him. He grew on me. The more I got to know him, the more I started liking him andthenthere was a spark.

I know of many couples, including clients for whom this has been the same. In this blog I am planning to interview some of the people I know who are now all happily married or in relationships but for who there was no instant chemistry.

It goes without saying that, the impression on the first date should overall be positive and enjoyable. Some people have a visualization of their ideal man or ideal woman. If they are too rigid about this ideal, they sometimes forego opportunities of meeting a potentially wonderful life partner just because this person did not fit their vision of their dream man (George Clooney?) or dream woman (Angelina Jolie?).

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I remember discussing a match proposal with a male client. He really liked the ladies profile, when he saw the photos however he said he was not "head over heels" with the photos and would prefer not to meet and waste his time. I told him that I thought she most likely was not "head over heels" with his photos either, but that she was interested in getting to know him. After a short hesitation, he agreed. Luckily for him as feedback after the first meeting was very positive. He said he was pleasantly surprised about how pretty she really looked and how nice she smiled, etc. and that he felt some sort of connection. Ok, this just to show that perhaps it was not love at first sight at the first meeting, but at least they were of to a very good start!

What exactly causes chemistry or a spark between two people is hard to define. It is perhaps not so much the way someone looks but more the way someone smiles, speaks, smells, or for some intellectual stimulation, etc.

As a dating and matchmaking agency we have to respect the things that are important to our clients. Many clients are quite visual so on top of important factors such as values, goals for the future, overlap in hobbies and interest, and other criteria such as for example, distance, smoking/non smoking, religion, children, etc. the way their partner looks is important.

For our Personalized Matchmaking service we work with two fantastic professional photographers. They do a great job at capturing the clients as they are, but from their best side. I like to say that the photos are a part of the total picture of a person. Keep in mind that photos are static images. Photos do not speak. You would really have to meet someone in person to discover the sparkle in their eyes, the way they speak, their body language, and all those other things that could be charming to you.

In conclusion; I always recommend meeting in person. If the first meeting was overall positive then I recommend you see each other again and get to know each other better. Take the time and be open to discover each other.Of course, if you do not like what you learn about the other person, there is no point continuing the dating process with him/her.Ideally however, the more you know of each other, the more you will appreciate each other and the more time you will want to share with each other. Then all of a sudden (or for some very gradually) you find yourself in love (was that a spark there?). The friendship formed should be the basis on which the relationship with your life partner is build. And the spark? The spark should light a flame that keeps the relationship fire burning.

Trea Tijmens is the CEO and Founder of SuccessMatch and DatingSuccess. She has more than 10 years of experience in matchmaking and date coaching. If you have questions or comments do not hesitate to contact her at trea@successmatch.ch

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