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Trea Tijmens

Trea Tijmens is a successful matchmaker and dating coach. Since 2005, Trea has met and helped thousands of single, divorced and widowed professionals. In this blog she shares dating and relationships tips and advice and humor. Enjoy!

Long Distance Relationships

With the number of matches made between clients in Zurich and Geneva on the rise, I feel it is important to speak a bit about Long Distance Relationships (LDRs). According to Wikipedia "a long-distance relationship is typically an intimate relationship that takes place when the partners are separated by a considerable distance."

Distance is a relative concept. Often, clients who are for example Canadian or American specify that they are open to meet a partner who lives up to a 1,5 hour drive from where they are. Clients who have not been exposed to regularly driving longer distances could define a 1,5 hour distance from a partner as a LDR.

However, we also have an American client who, now that he is in Geneva, loves it here so much that he would like to meet a life partner who is in Geneva. To him even Nyon (which is 10 minutes by train fromGeneva) now seems faaaaarrrr away.

One of the comments we often hear when we would like to make a match proposal between clients from Geneva/Lausanne and Zurich, is that with that distance, they will only be able to see each other on weekends. This is true; however, we also know many couples that live in the same town (or even under the same roof) who also see each other only on weekends due to busy professional lives and heavy travelling.

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Keeping the relationship going

I remember the time where I was engaged (1990) and my fiancé was studying at the ETH in Zurich, Switzerlandand I was finishing up my studies at UC Berkeley in the US. There was no email at the time (hard to believe) and calling on the phone must have still cost 3.80 $ a minute.We used to write letters and send cards.

As a side note; I do remember it felt a bit bizarre to see each other again over the Christmas holiday. We both realized that it was easy to grow apart when you are so far away with poor communication means. That's when we decided we wanted to be together and get married. Pierre gave up his PhD studies in Switzerlandand followed me to Berkeley to do an MBA. Thank you Pierre!

Although you might be able to see each other less frequently than you wish, with modern forms of communication you can communicate as frequently as you would like. There is email, mobile phones, text messages, twitter, skype, webcams and good old-fashioned snail mail to keep you close while apart.

Of course there can be circumstances in your life that may make you not open to a match proposal with someone who lives at a considerable distance, and we completely respect our clients wishes in this area. For example, when a client has children who are in school, meeting someone who lives at a considerable distance as opposed to in the same area could unnecessarily complicate life for him/her.

Going the extra mile

We do see that often there is more "pressure" on a first date between clients fromZurichand clients from Geneva/Lausanne. People tend to weigh the distance factor heavily into the equation of whether they would like to meet their date again. If they have a doubt as to whether their date could be the right person for them, people tend to think that "anyway he/she is too far away, it will not work". When, on the other hand, the first meeting is very positive, clients are happily going the extra mile for the right partner.

Where there is a will there is a way

Most people would not like a LDR to continue for too long. At some point in time, the ideal is that the two partners are together. Even though at the beginning of the LDR it may not be clear as to how this will happen? (who moves where and when?) If the relationship is strong enough and both partners are motivated to be together, it will happen.

In conclusion:

LDRs can be challenging, however they can work!
It is true that Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) require trust, commitment, excellent communication skills and effort; however; so do relationships of people who live in the same town! A successful Long Distance Relationship should end in the two partners coming/being together and finally being close. Although it may not be clear from the start when and where the two partners will be together, where there is a will, there is a way.

 

Trea Tijmens is the CEO and Founder of SuccessMatch and DatingSuccess. A former head hunter, she founded SuccessMatch in 2005 to connect professionals for personal reasons instead of for professional reasons. If you have questions or comments do not hesitate to contact her at trea@successmatch.ch

 

 

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