Trea Tijmens

Trea Tijmens is a successful matchmaker and award-winning dating expert and coach. Since 2005, Trea successfully helps her select single, divorced and widowed clientèle find love. In this blog she shares dating and relationships tips and advice. Enjoy!

Why 80% of the Singles I Meet Are Still Single

When you’ve been single for what feels like forever, it can be easy to fall into negative thinking and wonder:

Is there something wrong with me?”

What am I doing wrong?”

Over the years I’ve met thousands of single men and women who were wildly successful in all areas of their lives except one. They had successful, high paying careers, health, friends and more.

But they were missing a huge piece that left them feeling deeply unfulfilled: a loving partner with whom to share and enjoy their success.

The real reason singles can’t find love

Over the past 16 years, I’ve worked with thousands of single professionals who want to find a partner to build a happy lasting relationship.

Roughly 20% have real issues that are truly keeping them from finding love. The other 80%? Even though they would identify themselves as ‘actively seeking a relationship’ they really aren’t doing that much that actively.

Before I start working with a client, I ask them what exactly they’ve been doing to find a partner so far. An overwhelming majority have not taken enough or any action at all.

Going out on a date once every few months isn’t actively seeking a partner.

Joining a dating app is not enough

Joining a dating app, messaging with some matches and then ignoring the app for days and not actually meeting other singles is not actively dating. Talking about wanting to meet someone but not creating opportunities to do that is not actively dating. If this sounds like you, don’t worry. You are not alone.

However, you cannot find your life partner if you are not dating. My mission is to set you up for success and to help you start actively dating so you can find your perfect partner.

Commit to your goal of finding a partner

My clients are incredibly successful in most areas of their life. They have successful careers. They make good money. They live healthy lifestyles. They enjoy an excellent quality of life. They’re smart and value personal and professional development and growth.

They understand the commitment and work it takes to accomplish a goal. But for whatever reason, they don’t connect this to one of their biggest goals--finding the right partner to share their lives with. Somehow, they believe “it” should just happen. Can you relate?

But here’s the thing: the bigger the goal, the more commitment it takes to achieve it. So, what are some things you can do to actively start to meet new people? Especially now after the pandemic has changed the dating world, and when it’s more complicated than ever before to organically meet people?

3 tips from a dating coach to increase your chances for love

There are still lots of great opportunities as long as you are willing to see them and act on them…

3 things you can do (even in a pandemic) that will help you actively find a partner.

1. Join a dating app.

Even if you “don’t like them” or don’t think they work (keep reading!)

This is an area where I notice a ton of resistance from singles. Many of them are concerned that there aren’t people looking for serious relationships on the apps.

Now, while this is true to an extent, there are also many people on dating apps who have the exact same goal as you. And when you have the right tools and strategies in place, you can filter out the people who have a different goal to avoid wasting your time and getting frustrated.

I help people connect on and offline, and I can tell you from firsthand experience there are plenty of high-quality candidates on dating apps.

You need to know how to attract them, which is exactly what I teach my clients. (If you’re still on the fence about joining a dating app, read this).

2. Seek out groups and communities that interest you.

Even during lockdowns and strict social distancing, there were still lots of activities and social clubs that are active, even if with Covid restrictions they may be meeting online.

The best part is, they offer a great and easy way to take the pressure off meeting people. A bonus is that anyone you meet there you will already have something in common with, which will create an easy basis to start a conversation.

You can ask friends, family, and work colleagues what kind of groups they may be in to find ones that may interest you.

Have you been thinking about volunteering at an animal shelter in town for months but never got around to it? This is the perfect opportunity to make that happen and create a win-win: you get more involved in your community and make an impact while meeting new people.

As a bonus, share with people that you are single and would like to meet a nice partner to build a happy, lasting relationship so that they are aware that you are actively seeking someone and may think of you when they come across an interesting person when they wouldn't have thought twice before. You're effectively putting yourself on people's radar.

Search for groups that interest you on Facebook or Google for example with keywords like ‘cooking in Switzerland’, ‘hiking clubs in Bern’ or even scroll through pages like meetup.com and get inspired by all the different options in your area.

3. Get support from your network.

A great way to meet new people is through people who already know and love you. You may assume they do not know any singles because if they did, they would have introduced you already, but you could be wrong.

There could be several reasons no one in your network has ever introduced you to someone. In Switzerland, generally people tend not to meddle in people’s private lives!

Sometimes people may know you are single but assume you are happy that way. Afterall, you seem to have a great life and you may have even told people that you are happy being single. Sometimes your friends think so highly of you, that they believe no one is good enough.

Tell your network that, yes, you have a good life, and you would love to find a nice partner with whom you can build a happy, lasting relationship.

Here’s a simple message you can share with them: “Should you know someone who is x, y, and z. I would love to be introduced.” Give only 3 broad criteria, such as:

  • Fun, international and family oriented
  • Interesting, fit, and outgoing
  • Adventurous, cultured, and positive

I know those are very broad criteria however, once you start meeting and getting to know more singles, you can filter people out when needed.

Even if you don’t find the love of your life on the first try, do ask your network for support... You never know who you might meet.

Lisa got a date through her network

Like Lisa, one of the clients in my group coaching and mentoring program recently experienced how this works. She believed asking her network for support would be pointless since everyone knew she was single, and they had never introduced her to anyone.

We identified 20 people in her network, and she committed to communicating that in 2021, she would love to find a nice man to build a happy, lasting relationship, and should they know someone who is kind, family oriented and fun, she would love to be introduced.

To her big surprise, 3 of her contacts made her an introduction, one of which (introduced to her by her French teacher) is very promising, and they already had 4 dates!

It makes sense that if you aren’t doing anything to actively meet new people it would be close to impossible to meet your future partner.

Create a positive dating momentum

It’s important to create a positive momentum. Using my science based and proven method in the Find Your Success Match program, one of the fundamental pillars I teach clients is “Finding the Right Partner”.

This is where we dive into how to create, recognize, and act upon opportunities in real life and on dating apps, even if you’ve done this for years with no luck. I hold your hand and walk you step by step through the process to success and can show you exactly what you’ve been doing wrong, and what to do instead.

You’d be amazed to find how many amazing singles are stuck. I can see your blind spots, help you fill in the gaps and support you create, recognize and act upon opportunities to find your partner.

What specific ways are you actively working to find a partner? What are you going to do to make this the year that you start the relationship you’ve been dreaming of?

With the right support, you can achieve your goal of meeting your match faster. Click here to download my Free Masterclass “Why Are You Still Single?”. Discover 3 main obstacles that keep you single and how to overcome them.

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Tuesday, 25 January 2022

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