Trea Tijmens

Trea Tijmens is a successful matchmaker and award-winning dating expert and coach. Since 2005, Trea successfully helps her select single, divorced and widowed clientèle find love. In this blog she shares dating and relationships tips and advice. Enjoy!

Want your New Year’s resolutions to happen? Do this!

During the holiday season and at the end of the year, many people reflect upon their life and the past year: millions of people will start 2019 with New Year’s resolutions.
In 2019, they will want to improve something, such as finding a part-time job, getting fit, losing weight, learning a new language, finding a partner, and so on.

New Year’s resolutions are a good thing: the New Year offers new chances. New chances for us to reach our Finding partner New Years Resolutionsgoals.
Yet according to surveys, only 8% of the people will actually be successful in achieving their resolution!
Sceptics may say, “Why even make New Year’s resolutions when the chances of succeeding are so low”?
To them I say that if you have neither resolutions nor goals to aim for, you almost certainly have a zero percent chances of success in reaching them. Simply setting an objective and starting on your journey will significantly raise your chances of reaching this objective!

But we all know that achieving your New Year’s resolutions and goals can be a challenge. However, if you follow the seven tips below, you will have a much better chance of succeeding in reaching those goals set in your New Year’s resolutions!

1. Be specific about your goal and record it
Vague goals get vague resolutions and even vaguer results.
Instead of saying “I want to do something about my weight” or “I want to do something about my work life balance” or “I want to meet someone”, be more specific and say for example; “By 1 July, I want to have lost 10 kilos”, “I want to work a maximum of 8 hours per day”, “I want to find someone with whom I can build a happy, mutually fulfilling, long-term, exclusive relationship.”

Writing your goal down helps you become clearer and more specific. It also helps you, come February or March (or even 2 January!), remember what your resolutions and goals are!

2. Make it a priority
We all only have 24 hours in a day and we all live extremely full (read busy) lives.
You will not succeed in your New Year’s resolution unless you make it a priority. Without this, you will start out with good intentions, but as soon as other things compete for your attention and resources – and life happens – your resolution will be indefinitely postponed, abandoned, etc.

If your goal is really important to you, you have to commit to making it happen and to keeping it a priority in order to reach it successfully.

3. Break your goal down in realistic doable steps
It is important to not only have a clear goal but to break the steps you need to do to get to your goal down in realistic and doable steps.
For example, if your goal is losing 15 kilos, then break it down in specific steps;
no sugar, no fried products,
One hour of exercise on a daily basis
walk to work every day
goal; lose three kilos by the end of the month.

If you want to be in a happy, fulfilling, exclusive and long-term relationship break it down in doable steps. To be in a relationship, you have to start dating and in order to date you have to meet people.
So you can say, for example, in January my goal is to have three dates and for that I have to meet x new singles and in order to meet them I have to do the following: x,y,z.

Breaking your goal down in monthly goals (for example) gives you 12 opportunities to make progress to your big goal for the year.

4. Keep your WHY in mind
Why do you want to do this? Why do you want to reach your goal?
Why do you want to get fit, why do you want to lose weight, why do you want to find a part time job, why do you want to find a partner?
What are the benefits when you reach your goal, how will it change your life and your happiness?
What are the “costs” of not going for your goal and making the changes?

If I do not change anything, will I be in the same or worse situation two years from now?
Be honest and real with yourself!

5. Success is no accident! Action is required!
Once you have made your goal specific, broken it down in doable steps, committed to make it a priority, and made it clear to yourself why you want to reach your goal, the key part comes.
You have to do something!
Just thinking, meditating, visualizing, etc. will not get you successfully towards reaching your goal in life. (Unless your goal was to meditate more, of course.)
Action is required!

If you want to get in shape just buying that sexy gym outfit or a CrossFit trainer or a health club membership will not get you fit; you have to become active and exercise.
If you want to find a partner, just registering on a dating site or for an event will not get you there, action is required! It’s a first step, yes, but you need to take more steps.
If you say you want to go swimming more, you cannot get off the hook by just dipping your toes in the pool, you have to get in the water and swim. You have to get wet!

6. Keep a positive Mindset
Reaching important goals rarely happens overnight.
It will be a journey. It can be tough. You may have setbacks.
A positive mindset and belief that you can do it is essential.

When you take action towards reaching your goal, changes will happen.
Sometimes the changes will not be according to your ideal plan/dream: for example, you have been eating healthier and working out hard in the gym, now you step on the scales and you have barely lost weight or, even worse, you have gained some weight!
You put in the effort. You went on a date and it was either very disappointing or they did not want to see you again.
You may think, “This is clearly not working for me”, and you may be ready to throw in the towel.

Others may voice their opinions about your resolution and say things like; “Why lose weight? You are enjoying life and look just fine to me”, or “You don’t need a partner”, or “All the good ones are taken anyway”.
Having positive, encouraging, supportive people around you is very helpful in keeping your mindset positive!

Importantly, don’t give up! Remember why you are doing it, how important it is to you and how committed you are to reaching your goal. Continuous action – and the more the better – will make things happen and things will progress.
Keep believing you can do it!
You actually have as much will power as you think you have, so whether you believe you will reach your goal or not is most likely a self-fulfilling prophecy.

7. Get professional support
You could reach your New Year’s resolutions on your own by being very disciplined and self-motivated. Statistics, however, tell us that only 8% of people are successful in achieving their resolutions. Getting support drastically increases your chances of success.

It is worth investing in support that will help you get started in the right way, that will keep you focused, that will encourage you when things will get tough; that will provide you with guidance, motivate you, challenge you and so on, and will hold you accountable to do the things you committed to do to achieve your goal.

Even when you know exactly what you need to do to reach your goal, getting support is beneficial. There is a huge difference between knowing what you have to do and actually doing it.
Professional support can help bridge that gap.

Here’s to an amazing New Year with new chances!
I hope that with the seven tips above we will all reach our New Year’s resolutions this year!
Below I share my personal resolutions.

My New Year’s resolutions of the past year
New Year’s resolution 1: Improving my Spanish language skills
Why I did not achieve the goal: I downloaded some free apps and started enthusiastically, then life took over and I found excuses for not studying (too busy with work, traveling, too tired, etc.)

New Year’s resolution 2: Getting fitter and losing 3 kilos
Why I did not achieve the goal: I thought this was going to be easy and have been exercising more on occasion and eating more healthily. However, with no accountability the same excuses at above crept in; too busy with work, traveling too much (used as excuse to not do daily exercise, etc.). The result? I’m slightly fitter now then at start of 2016 but instead of losing the 3 kilos, I gained them.

My New Year’s resolutions for the year 2019
Improving my Spanish skills – I have registered and paid for classes starting in February 2019.    trea matchmaker singles geneva
When I have paid for something and there are classes where people are expecting me, I know I will do what is needed. I will go and I will learn.
Getting fitter and losing 6 kilos! – I have signed up and paid for group Zumba classes and need to maintain healthy eating habits throughout the year.
Zumba workouts are fun and I always show up for classes.
Growing my business – I have hired a business coach
I know what needs to be done. From providing date coaching to clients, I also know there is a huge difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it, and a business coach will be able to help me keep focused and keep me accountable in reaching my goals.

Did you make any New Year’s resolutions?
If they involve finding a partner, contact me to schedule a first chat! I will be happy to help you reach your dating goals.

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