Trea Tijmens

Trea Tijmens is a successful matchmaker and award-winning dating expert and coach. Since 2005, Trea successfully helps her select single, divorced and widowed clientèle find love. In this blog she shares dating and relationships tips and advice. Enjoy!

The 3 Excuses You’ve Made for Not Dating This Past Year… and How to Leave Them Behind

It has now been more than a year since the global pandemic started and while there are always excuses to put off finding love, amidst a pandemic these excuses become even easier. Flip that logic around and use this time to level up your life starting with the most important thing -- finding someone to share it with.

Single overcome excuses dating

Don’t let this be another year without a life partner and support system. No matter how badly we’d like to convince ourselves otherwise, love isn’t just going to fall into our laps.

Even when we try to tell ourselves that we’re making an effort, we need to step back and be honest with ourselves. You’ve worked tirelessly to have the career of your dreams and be successful, but have found yourself wondering what the point of it all is if you don’t have anyone to share it with. Have you been making excuses to yourself instead of making an actual effort to find love?

Here are 3 excuses you’ve made for putting dating on the back burner -- and how to turn them into motivation to find love this year.

Excuse #1. You “don’t have enough time.”

This age old excuse is just that--an excuse. At the end of the day our priorities are what we dedicate our time and energy to. Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day and people in fulfilling relationships didn’t get extra time to find a partner -- they made it a priority.

The good news is that this is a choice--you can decide to make this choice for yourself and make finding a partner a priority in your life. Work has likely been a fulfilling and enriching part of your life, but unless you want it to be the only fulfilling and enriching part of your life you need to find a way to create more balance.

Sometimes when singles say they are too busy to find a partner, I ask them if they actually have time for a partner in their lives. Then they say: “Well, once I have a partner, then I will make time for the relationship.” This exercise is an important way to frame your perspective -- if you don’t have space for something it can’t possibly fit into your life. It’s a vicious circle… you need to make yourself available to meet new people and begin dating again.

How to turn this excuse into motivation:

Make dating an active priority this year and open up time in your life for love. There are lots of steps that I can help you take to open yourself up to love, but if you don’t create space and time for it in your life then nothing else will be effective. If you know you’re ready to do what’s necessary to find love this year and want my support, schedule a consultation here.

Excuses singles dating success

Try to keep weekends work-free and make an effort to work on yourself and start to actively look for love (not just go on the same date with a different person once every two months). Want some concrete ideas that can help you start to actively search for love, but don’t know where to start? Here are 3 things you can do (even in a pandemic) that will help you actively find a partner.

Excuse #2. “There aren’t any quality men.”

This is one of the most common things I hear from successful singles. Like my client, Jane, a British divorcee who discovered love in Switzerland, despite believing there were “no available men in Geneva.”

So many of the women I see are oblivious to the men they actually encounter in their daily life. You can’t find a partner if you aren’t dating. You can’t date if you are not meeting men.

How to turn this excuse into motivation:

You can not see from a distance whether a man could be right for you. You need to give any man who could be right for you the opportunity to get to know you. Make a choice to accept that there are quality men everywhere.

There are single people everywhere, but lots of times we have blinders on that keep us from seeing what is right in front of us. One simple exercise that I do with my clients who share this limiting belief is have them start keeping track of men they encounter on a daily basis. What sounds like a cheesy exercise usually proves to be very eye opening.

The more you can interact with new people, the better.

Make a vow to stop using your phone for directions. For example, ask a stranger for directions -- this is an easy conversation starter. Don’t stop there -- try asking a follow up question too. Something like, “I’m meeting up with a girlfriend for lunch later on, but I wanted to grab a coffee before, do you know any nice places around here?” When implementing all of the elements of my coaching, these sorts of situations become opportunities more than you would think. When you stop putting an end to interactions you’d be surprised by how often they turn into possibilities.

Excuse #3. “There’s a global pandemic.”

This is the big one from this year--many singles believe that it isn’t a good time to date or meet new people and would prefer to wait until things are ‘back to normal’. The pandemic has been with us for over a year now and even as vaccinations start--life as we knew it before will likely not be the same for quite some time. The best thing we can do is adapt to the new normal and use this time to make our true priorities clear.

How to turn this excuse into motivation:

Don’t put your personal happiness and wellbeing on hold any longer. Finding a partner and someone to share the good and bad of life is more important than ever before and smart singles are ready to take advantage of the benefits of dating during this time.

Don’t cancel love -- my clients have been dating throughout the pandemic and many have started serious relationships. Focus on what you can do. Now is an amazing time to look into dating apps as a first step to start dating again -- virtual dating can be an incredibly efficient way to get back into the dating scene. Check out this article about how to use apps as a starting point.

The same excuses will come up whether there is a pandemic or not and the same answer to these excuses is also the same -- NOW is the best time to start your life with a long-term, fulfilling and committed relationship. Use the pandemic, which has taken away many of the distractions from our lives, as an opportunity to truly dedicate yourself to finding what you have always wanted… love.

If you know you’re ready to invest the time and energy into finding love this year, click here to book your complimentary consultation now.

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Saturday, 25 September 2021

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