Singles in Switzerland and Learning from Dating during Lockdown -WRS Radio interview with Dating Expert Trea Tijmens
Switzerland's dating expert Trea Tijmens was interviewed by Mark Butcher and Katt Cullen on the Breakfast Show on World Radio Switzerland 7 July 2020
Below is the transcript.
Right now we are joined by Trea Tijmens from SuccessMatch, a dating site. Morning to you Trea.
Good morning, Mark and Katt.
Morning. Now Trea we're talking about dating and the new rules that surround dating, certainly before because of the lockdown and even post lockdown.
So Trea it when it comes down to dating.
What have you noticed the impact so that the lockdown has had on dating?
Well, Mark, what we certainly saw is that during lockdown, people realized that in times of uncertainty and crisis, they actually really need love and a supportive partner in their lives.
So there's been a lot of time for self-reflection.
It was for many singles really challenging to be confined, staying at home by themselves.
All the usual things that people did to me meet someone in their lives like, you know, going for a drink or going, playing tennis, going to a concert, all those things were no longer possible. While at the same time, they still felt this need to connect and for love in their lives.
So what we saw happening was a huge surge in people going to dating online and dating on apps and people doing virtual dating. And so that has been really an enormous surge in users for all the dating apps. Many of the apps already offered video dating on the apps. And there's plenty of modern-day technology that allows us to do virtual dating for example, we have Whatsapp video or Skype.
And singles started discovering there were many advantages to connecting virtually as a first step.
It is very easy to organize, it saves you a lot of time; you don't have to drive anywhere, find parking and stress about traffic or, you know getting home late.
So singles were able to meet more people virtually and have more virtual dates on a weekly basis.
It's a great way to see your match's real appearance and get a much better feel for their personality. So it was an effective way of meeting people and also, what singles shared with me, is that it is really a good opportunity to have a good conversation and build good connection. You're only focused on each other. There is not all the usual distractions with people sitting close by and potentially listening to your conversation. So there were a lot of advantages to virtual dating.
Trea, as you say, it's not a new thing virtual dating but there may be a lot of people who have resisted it for a very long time.
So if people are coming to virtual dating now, lots of other people have known exactly what to do and know what the do's and don'ts are, what would you say are your top tips if people are coming to virtual dating, now maybe a little late to the party?
Yes. So it is super convenient to do once people have done it once. I would say always make sure that you're prepared and camera ready.
Make sure that you have a good set up as to where you take your video call from. That your cameras at the right angle that your light is good that you have a good neutral background. Yeah, all these basic things. So once you have that figured out, then hopping on a video call is actually really simple.
I would say keep first virtual dates relatively short. And keep them very positive and end them also on a high. So it's better to have a short first video date. And after about half an hour say: "well, you know, I really enjoyed this! This was fun, Shall we do it again?" So always end it positive and on a high note.
Sorry Trea, even if you want to end on a high note, even if you're thinking I don't really want to go any further with this. I mean, obviously, you have to be polite, you know, but...
Absolutely. I always recommend when you're not sure and you think; "yeah, you know, it was okay but I'm not sure," so when in doubt, find out and go on another date!
But when you're absolutely hundred percent sure that this is not going to go anywhere, then you can, still be pleasant and polite absolutely and say; "well, I really enjoy meeting you / I really enjoyed meeting you on this video date, I don't see it go any further so I wish you well and I enjoyed meeting you.
And then you end the call.
Now the thing is though Trea, what this has done. I mean, obviously people were video dating due to lockdown because they had no choice. But you all see now, the fact that people actually liked the idea for a first date, video date and you think this is going to continue into the new normal?
Absolutely. I think many people have discovered the convenience and the advantages of doing a virtual date as a first step.
Because it's true, nothing beats meeting a person in real life!
But as a first step, I think many people will actually do (go on a virtual date first) that.
And especially if there is distance involved, then it's definitely a good thing to recommend. But even if there's no distance involved, just doing even a 15-minute video call before you meet someone in person just to see if you can actually have a nice conversation, if the person resembles their photos and all those things. It's a very effective and good way to start as a first step.
Trea you pair people up, that's what you do.
You look at profiles and you match one person to another.
What is the first thing that you look for? What is the first thing that helps you pair someone?
Is it things like political allegiance, or is it just as basic as what they look like?
Well, there's a whole bunch of factors that come into play for making a good match.
What is very important people need to have the same goal in life.
So if somebody you know, wants to settle down and have a family that needs to be aligned.
Of course, life values are really important. You know, what is important to someone in their lives. But then it can be all sorts of other very "simple" criteria, like, age, how far somebody lives away, what their interests are, if there's a religious consideration that's important, personalities.
There are so many factors that can come into play in making a good match.
All right. Now, Trea just very quickly, because we're running out of time now.
You run successmatch.ch. Now you've been doing that I know for many years.
In this new normal, are you changing the way that you run your business and changing the offers you make to your clients? About how best to make those first steps when meeting someone new?
Yes, absolutely. So I started Success Match 15 years ago.
The way I work now is I help singles transition from where they're currently at, to where they want to be.
And they all want to be at the same place; which is in a happy, lasting relationship with the right partner.
And how I do that; I either help them by matching them so I matchmake singles, but I also coach singles.
When I coach people, that process is based on a three-step process.
So it's Being the Right Partner. It always starts with that because you can't find the right partner, unless you are the right partner.
So it's Being the Right Partner, Finding the Right Partner and Choosing the Right Partner.
Finding the right partner is all about creating opportunities, recognizing opportunities and acting upon opportunities. Already in the past, creating opportunities was about creating opportunities in real life, but also online and on apps.
Of course, during the lockdown, I shifted my focus to exclusively focus on encouraging my single clients to meet people virtually, because I could not encourage anybody to go out there and meet people in real life during that time.
So the focus was very much on the virtual. And yeah, this trend will definitely continue.
I think more and more people will meet their partners starting out virtually and then moving of course to the real experience
Okay, so Trea, we've run out of time.
So many thanks for that. So that was Trea Tijmens there from https:www.successmatch.ch
Now Trea was saying it's becoming increasingly common and probably more and more common to make that first contact online.
Check out her website successmatch.ch