Trea Tijmens

Trea Tijmens is a successful matchmaker and award-winning dating expert and coach. Since 2005, Trea successfully helps her select single, divorced and widowed clientèle find love. In this blog she shares dating and relationships tips and advice. Enjoy!

Single? Make 2020 the Last Year You Spend Christmas Alone

It’s December in Geneva, and the streets are lit with Christmas lights and decorations.

Outside, It’s quieter than normal. There are hardly any tourists, and many families opted to stay home this year. You walk past a window of a house and stop to appreciate the warm glow of lights on the Christmas tree. For an instant you’re transported to Sunday afternoons reading stories with your papa when you were a little girl, and you smile. Joy is quietly replaced by something darker.
Will you ever get to experience a moment like that with a daughter of your own? Will you ever find a husband?

Last Christmas Single

You pull your jacket tighter around you, adjust your scarf to cover your chin from the cold and turn around to go home. You think about how your sister is hosting dinner this year. You wish you could make up an excuse--fake being sick or say something came up with work, but you know you can’t do that.

The thought of showing up to Christmas dinner alone again is almost too much to bear.

If your uncle asks you (like he does every year) if you’re still single, you might explode.
You love your family, of course you do, but sometimes it’s difficult being around them.
Your sister and her husband have the best relationship you know. They’re more than husband and wife, they’re partners and best friends. They’ve just had their third baby and you love them so much and are so happy for them but you also feel a twinge of envy. Why can’t you have that, too?

When you get home the silence is deafening. You look at your empty, cold, dark apartment and for an instant you see what your life could have been…

In another time and place you walk through the door:

A fire is burning in the fireplace. The Christmas tree lights twinkle above beautifully wrapped red and green gift packages.

Your husband is sitting in the armchair reading a Christmas story to your daughter.

She turned 5 this year and she’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Your heart is full and seeing them there brings you to tears. You got all you ever wanted.

Does that sound like an impossible dream to you right now?

If you’re tired of spending the holidays alone and the thought of doing so yet again this year, after everything that has happened in 2020 feels like almost too much to bear, you’re not alone.

There are thousands of single men feeling exactly the same way, you just need to know how to find them.
There are some things you can do during the holidays to start dating and get closer to finding someone
who you can not only spend the holidays with, but build a beautiful, joyful life with.

Make this the last year you spend Christmas alone.

Take advantage of this holiday season to create positive momentum in your dating life.
Here are 4 steps you can start taking now:

1. Reflect on the past year.

Pull out a notebook and journal on these key areas:

  • What did you accomplish this year?
  • What brought you joy?
  • Where did you not meet your goals yet?

For each of these questions, think about these areas: career, health, relationships, and dating.
You may be surprised to find just how much you’ve accomplished this year despite the extraordinary challenges.
Did you celebrate an important work anniversary? Lose some of those kilos? Create a new healthy habit you’re proud of, like walking or meditating before breakfast? Meet a few nice guys (even if it didn’t work out)? No matter how small or silly it may appear, take time to reflect and celebrate your wins.

2. Get clear about your vision and goals.

Where do you see yourself by this time next year? Get crystal clear about what you want your life to look and feel like. The more specific the better. Think about these key areas:

  • Health (physical, mental, emotional)
  • Spirituality
  • Career
  • Relationships (friends, family, partner)
  • Free time
  • Finances

When you write down what you want to be true by 2021, write it down in the present tense, as though it’s already happened. Start with, “It’s December 31st, 2021 and I am so happy and grateful that…” Focus on your relationship as if you already have it. What does being with your partner feel like? What does your communication look like? Describe your life together.

3. Make a conscious choice to prioritize finding love.

How much time have you spent actively working toward finding a partner this year? Be critical but not cruel with yourself on this one.

If you went on a handful of dates that didn’t pan out, write that down. If you worked from home, avoided social gatherings and met ZERO men, write that down. If you went on dates regularly (week/monthly) but nothing came of them, write that down.

What has gotten you to where you are now won’t get you to where you want to go.
It’s important to reflect on what you have done and what hasn’t worked to gain clarity on what to do instead, which brings us to the next step...

4. Create a plan.

Failing to plan is planning to fail. Now that you have a clear snapshot of what hasn’t worked and where you want to go, now it’s time to create your plan to help you get there faster.
Here’s what you can do NOW to give yourself a good head start so that you can enjoy Christmas 2021 with a great partner:

  1. Start or continue to date virtually. Virtual dating serves as an excellent starting point for building a relationship in real life. Check out this article for 3 tips for virtual dating as a first step for meeting the right partner.
  2. Accept invitations to gatherings. If you’re able to do so in a small, in-person setting, great--go! If you’re invited to a fun social gathering online, do that too. This is an excellent way to disconnect and enjoy yourself. And you never know who might be there that you can meet.
  3. Decide what actions you will take each day, week, and month to get closer to your goals. Will you set up 2-3 virtual dates per week? Attend x number of events--online or in person per month? Get outside your house and observe where you can find and meet men near you each day--at the park, supermarket, cafe, etc. List out the specific actions you will take to help you get closer to your goal.

Are you ready to find your perfect partner?

If you’re truly ready and committed to finding not just any partner, but the right one for you who will support, love, and adore you… then I want to invite you to join my signature program Find Your Success Match designed to help you transform from ME to WE and create the happy, fulfilling, long-lasting relationship you desire.

You’ll discover how to:

  • Uncover the secret to finding and choosing the right partner for you
  • Meet good men anywhere anytime, even if you think, “There aren’t any men available where I live.”
  • Eliminate limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging behavior that has kept you stuck and single for years
  • Transform self-doubt and negative thoughts into confidence and contagious positivity that instantly attracts men to you
  • Create and live a happy fulfilling life so you can feel your best and have good energy to attract the right partner in your life
  • Create, recognize and act appropriately on opportunities to meet your partner
  • Successfully date, so you can actually enjoy the dating process and be successful in finding your match

  • Choose the right partner for you, you will know who is compatible, whether it is love or lust and who to invest in and when it’s better to move on
  • Create a happy fulfilling, lasting, exclusive, committed relationship, the relationship you desire by communicating what you want and need with clarity and grace.
  • And much more.

Plus, this year is the first time I’m including a special invitation to my all-inclusive retreat in Switzerland where we’ll stay at a beautiful location, learn, bond, have fun, recharge our batteries and you will leave feeling inspired and motivated. So many amazing things to look forward to!

If you’re ready to make this the last year you spend Christmas alone, then click here to schedule a complimentary consultation to see if you’re a good fit for the Find YourSuccess Match program.

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Sunday, 28 November 2021

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