Trea Tijmens

Trea Tijmens is a successful matchmaker and award-winning dating expert and coach. Since 2005, Trea successfully helps her select single, divorced and widowed clientèle find love. In this blog she shares dating and relationships tips and advice. Enjoy!

How to survive your first Christmas single.

If you recently broke up or became separated and this is your first Christmas being single, these four tips on how to survive your first Christmas are for you!

surviving xmas single

For most people, Christmas is a very special time of year. We look forward to the holiday cheer and the opportunity to spend it with our partners and loved ones.


Many singles, however, dread the holiday season.
If you are on your own, Christmas can be a very difficult time of year.
I put together these tips to help you survive your first Christmas single, to be able to stop dreading and start enjoying the holiday season.


1      Create new traditions

Perhaps you and your partner had a certain way to spend Christmas and the holiday season. If you do things the same as before, you may bring back memories that are painful.
So instead, do things differently, create some new traditions and look for new ways to enjoy Christmas.
For example, if you used to cook a Christmas lunch together and invite the family over, go out to see a nice Christmas show or visit a Christmas market and have lunch somewhere else.
If you used to spend Christmas in the snow or at home, this year do something completely different such as – for example go to Paris or London, or go and stay somewhere away from home.
Do something new that you think you will enjoy!


2      Only accept invitations that you think you may enjoy

Now that you are not with a partner, you can choose to do things differently.
Do not feel that you are obliged to accept all invitations.
When you are invited to a dinner, for example, ask the host or hostess whether there will be other singles as well.
If you don't feel up to it, just thank them for the kind invitation but that you don't feel comfortable in that setting at this moment or say that you have other plans.

Feel free to decline invitations that may make you feel uncomfortable in this first Christmas as a single.
Conversely though, do accept invitations that you think you may enjoy!


3      Prepare a response

Prepare a response for questions from colleagues, acquaintances etc. who may ask you why you are no longer together with your ex. Relatives and close friends may ask you similar questions.
Remember that they do actually care about you and do mean well.

Prepare and practice a short, neutral response to such questions.
For example, just respond with: it did not work out.
Point. Full stop. Period.
No justification or explanation is needed; anger, sadness or judgements will just make everyone uncomfortable, including yourself.


4      Put yourself on top of your list

For your first Christmas being single, put yourself at the top of your list and think about yourself first.
Invest in yourself and your happiness. Spoil yourself, you deserve it!

This Christmas make a list of everything you enjoy and everything you always wanted to do or try.
From small things – such as sipping champagne in the bathtub, putting fresh flowers on your desk, riding your bike down a great mountain trail – to larger ones such as going on a safari, learning to kite surf, or traveling to New Zealand, etc – you are the focus this year.

Now pick at least two things you can do right away over the Christmas holidays PLUS make your list for the year to come. Plan which fun and interesting things you are going to do for yourself this coming year.
Spending part of Christmas planning things to look forward in the next year makes the Christmas holiday a lot more enjoyable!

So if this is your first Christmas single, this holiday season;
• Create new traditions
• Only accept invitations you think you may enjoy
• Prepare a neutral response to questions about your ex
• Make a list; invest in yourself and your happiness.
And you will get through this Christmas and holiday period just fine!

Remember, the New Year with new opportunities is just around the corner.

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