Trea Tijmens

Trea Tijmens is a successful matchmaker and award-winning dating expert and coach. Since 2005, Trea successfully helps her select single, divorced and widowed clientèle find love. In this blog she shares dating and relationships tips and advice. Enjoy!

Are You Single and Married to the Job to Avoid Feeling Lonely?

Sophie from Geneva

One of the greatest pleasures of my job is being able to help transform the lives of some wonderful people. Like my client Sophie from Geneva. When she first contacted me looking for a dating coach, she had hit rock bottom in her love life.

Sophie is an incredible person who for years was a successful marketing director at a large multinational company. She had had two unhealthy long-term relationships in the past. Her needs weren’t being met and she didn’t have strong boundaries in place. These relationships deeply affected her self-esteem and self-worth. She always imagined settling down with a family and being in a supportive, loving relationship but didn’t even know where to start.

In both of her past relationships, there was lots of drama, cheating and on-again/off-again type of behavior, but even with all the red flags she still tried to make it work.

She was desperate not to lose the relationship because she didn’t believe she could find anything better. This led to her staying in toxic situations for too long, which only further damaged her sense of self-worth.

After her last serious relationship ended about ten years ago, she buried herself in her work to avoid the lurking feeling of loneliness.

She was always the first person to arrive and the last to leave and her colleagues always joked that she didn’t need to find a husband because she was married to her job. Her dedication brought her lots of success and happiness but the constant drive at work with no support system at home took a toll on her and she found herself nearly burnt out.

Finding the new direction in life

After years at the top, she decided to quit her job. She decided she would give herself some time to find a new one and start with a fresh slate. After all, she had tons of incredible experience and she would surely find a job as soon as she started looking.

But when she started the job search, it wasn’t quite as easy as she expected. She did have lots of great experience and references, but she didn’t speak German or French, which complicated her job inquiry in an already difficult job market before the pandemic hit.

She quickly went from a life where every minute of every day was accounted for, filled with excitement and travel and work to a life where she was home all the time, constantly aware of how truly alone she was.

Now that Sophie didn’t have to go to work she had time to do other things that she never had the time for before and quickly took on too much too fast. Three weeks hadn’t gone by since her last day of work and she was already in French and German classes five times a week. She also started regular piano lessons, began a coaching certification, and signed up for a professional development course, all while also searching for a new job. She found herself just as exhausted as she had been while she was at work. The only difference? Now she didn’t have a steady paycheck.

She was burning herself out again and she still wasn’t any closer to finding a healthy partner to start her life with.

Sophie kept herself busy with learning

Sophie kept herself busy with learning

Looking to fix her dating life

Then one day she contacted me as a potential dating coach and told me she truly wanted to focus on her personal life and hoped to find a good life partner. She was ready for a quick solution to fix any relationship issues that she was having so that she could get on with finding someone already.

The thing about quick solutions is that they don’t exist when you’re dealing with true transformation. Everything is interrelated.

How you feel about yourself and your life greatly influences how you show up in your personal life and at work.

I was thrilled to be Sophie’s dating coach because, with some small shifts, we were able to create a massive transformation in her life.

I help my single clients create a life that is happy and fulfilling where they make their own happiness and their well-being their #1 priority.

If you don’t make it a priority for yourself, how can you possibly expect others to do it?

Making her love life a priority

Now that we have been working together Sophie is in a much better place. She knows how to set clear priorities for herself, especially including time for self-care. She is now putting healthy boundaries in place in her life and in her relationships. She is starting to do fun things that she enjoys again and is learning to understand and recognize her own needs.

Once Sophie was set up for success through SuccessMatch she went from going through the motions or altogether putting love on the back burner to actually enjoying the dating process.

Not long after starting the program, she found the man that she’s still in a happy relationship with and they’ve now been together for over six months.

she quickly found the right partner

Once she started enjoying dating, she quickly found the right partner

Sophie is a great example of someone willing to do the work and reap the benefits of an incredibly successful journey. She’s discovered that dating doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated.

It is in fact possible to create a relationship where you feel heard, safe, loved and valued.

Through various workshops and sessions with me as her dating coach Sophie was able to learn how to communicate better.

Sophie gained clarity in her needs, wants, goals and priorities. She came to understand that taking on too much was an unhealthy pattern in order to avoid facing the fact that she was lonely. She was able to set better boundaries for others and for herself, learned to say NO to things that did not bring her closer to her goal of finding a great partner and started living a “lighter” life. This affected every aspect of her life and influenced her overall transformation.

It is much easier to attract a partner into your life when you feel good about yourself and your life.

Sophie met Mark and was amazed at how the whole dating process just flowed. In my coaching program, we also worked on the relationship skills that allowed her to create a healthy, secure, functioning, happy relationship.

Here’s what Sophie said about working with me in her own words:

‘‘I had initially hoped it was more of a dating agency... taking the decision-making process away from me, but actually, the journey and the learning has been life-changing.‘‘

Sophie’s amazing transformation is a testament to what a great person she is and how important it is to first focus on yourself and then on attracting the right partner and building the right relationship.

It can be intimidating to start the process but just because you need to be the one to actually take the steps doesn’t mean you need to do it alone. I am here for you! If you want the comprehensive support that my date coaching and mentoring program offers then I would love to chat with you. Schedule a free consultation here.

How working with a dating coach helped Switzerland...
 

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Sunday, 28 November 2021

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