7 Steps to take BEFORE looking for a partner
To love and being loved is a basic human need.
We all want to find a great life partner, but…. it can feel like mission impossible to find a partner, especially if you’ve been dating (or putting it off) with little to no luck over the years. There are a few key aspects to be clear on before you start looking for a partner, which I’d like to share with you today. Here are 7 steps to take BEFORE looking for a partner...
1. Get clear on your goal.
What do you want and need from a partner and a relationship? If you don’t know what you want, it’s impossible to find it. If you don’t know where you are going you could end up anywhere or even worse--nowhere. Most of the thousands of singles that I come across, want the same thing and have the same goal even if they phrase it differently: to find the right partner to build a successful, happy and mutually fulfilling, longterm, committed relationship.
It may be helpful to write down your goal. When you do, be sure to make it concise, clear and positive. And then, don’t settle for anything less. Your goal shouldn’t be ANY relationship, but the RIGHT relationship.
2. Own your goal and fully commit to it.
Getting clear on your goal isn’t enough to achieve it. Once you’re clear on your goal, commit to it and make it your priority with your time, energy and resources.
Just like any other important goal in your life--if you want success, it does not just magically happen, you need to be committed to do the work necessary to get the results that you want!
If you are serious about finding a partner then you have to take action and do something about it. If you’re not committed and ready to invest yourself in this then maybe you aren’t truly ready to find a life partner. Get honest with yourself.
What are three specific actions you can take this week to help you get closer to achieving your goal? For example, maybe you commit to updating your dating app profile or connecting with 5 men this week. Commit and take action!
3. Upgrade the way you present yourself.
Once you know what you want and need from a partner, you need to align everything else with it. That means aligning your communication, appearance, body language and energy. If you don’t do this, you may unintentionally communicate the wrong message.
Like one of my clients, a very successful woman in her mid forties who hadn’t been in a serious relationship for over five years. She was having difficulty meeting men and didn’t understand why. During one of our video consultations I noticed a beautiful, very large ring on her ring finger. I asked her about it and she shared that it was an heirloom left to her by a beloved family member. We discussed how it could easily have been confused for a wedding ring. Just like we ladies do, single men also look at a woman’s hand to see if there is a wedding band to determine whether someone is “off limits.” You may be doing something that sends a message that you are not looking for love without even realizing it.
The small details make a big difference. From your dating profile description, to how you respond to messages, to the way you dress for a date… the details matter. Make sure they’re an accurate reflection of who you are and what you want.
4. Address any limiting beliefs that may be holding you back.
We all have self limiting beliefs (whether we realize it or not). Common beliefs that sabotage dating and romantic relationships include:
Beliefs about the self:
- “I’m not young enough.”
- “I’m not attractive enough.”
- “I’m not interesting enough.”
- “My success will be too intimidating.”
- “I’m too much this or that…”
- “I can’t find a partner.”
Beliefs about the opposite sex:
- “Men are only interested in sex.”
- “Men are only interested in younger women.”
- “Men are afraid of commitment.”
- “Men don’t want serious relationships.”
Beliefs about the dating process and relationships:
- “On the dating apps there are only losers and men who want one night stands.”
- “If he doesn't want to sleep with me after 2 dates, he’s not interested in me.”
- “If it's not 'love at first sight,’ I shouldn't go on a second date.”
Not only are these beliefs detrimental to your confidence and progress, they’re simply not true. These are all myths and deep rooted beliefs that will only hinder you on your journey towards finding the right partner. Take notice if any of them are popping up for you and be careful not to fall victim to them.
Beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies. Like Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” If you keep telling yourself you can’t find a man or successfully date, that’s what you’ll experience.
5. Address your emotional baggage.
Everyone has a history. This isn’t a problem. The difference between a history and baggage is that baggage is something that may be holding you back from having successful relationships and sometimes even just meeting new people.
Emotional baggage is any strong emotion from your past, either positive or negative, that prevents you from being fully present in the now and moving forward towards your goal of finding the right partner.
Do you still have photos or other keepsakes of your ex around your house? When your ex’s name is mentioned, do you have a strong reaction (either a very positive or very negative one)? Do you compare new people you meet to your ex? Do you feel sad when you think of a past relationship? If you answered any of these questions with “yes,” then you have some work to do to clear that emotional baggage.
Do it now! Do the work as it will make the rest of the process of finding your partner so much easier, PLUS, leaving the past behind, you will be able to live lighter.
If you’d like help letting go of emotional baggage so you can break through and finally meet your perfect match, let’s chat.
6. Address relationship and dating patterns.
If your goal is to find the right partner to build a happy, lasting relationship and you have not been successful, look at whether you have dating and/or relationship patterns that are sabotaging your success. Are your dating habits helping or hurting your chances at finding a happy relationship?
For example, having friends-with-benefits while you are looking for a serious partner will make that search nearly impossible. Are you always attracted to the wrong men? Do you consistently take on men who are “projects?” Do you start relationships too fast, before knowing whether you are actually compatible? Do you have difficulty breaking it off with men when you should?
All patterns that are not helping you in reaching your goal should be addressed so you can make better conscious choices, show up differently in the dating process and achieve your goal to find a lasting and happy relationship. Having an expert who knows what works and what does not work to help you identify and overcome this can be essential as doing it on your own can be close to impossible.
7. BE the right partner before you start looking for the right partner.
In order to find the best partner for you, YOU need to be the best, most authentic version of yourself. You cannot give what you do not have. And you must put out what you’d like to receive.
To do this, you must first make yourself your number one priority. Your happiness and wellbeing must come first. Have you been making your mental and physical wellbeing a priority?
Are you getting home late from work and eating takeout over the sink or are you eating nutritional meals that you have taken the time to make? Are you dedicating time to meditation or reflection on all aspects of your life? Or are you pushing daily stressors to the side for now and vowing to just ‘deal with it later’? Is being physically active a true priority for you or is it the easiest thing to put on the back burner when you’re extra busy at work? All of these things send an important message to others about if and how you care about yourself.
Empower yourself and give yourself unconditional respect and appreciation. You deserve to have all of your personal needs met. You are worthy of happiness. We are all perfectly imperfect and worthy of love exactly as we are. It is so much easier to attract a partner in your life once you feel happy and fulfilled.
How, specifically, will make your physical, mental and emotional health a priority this year? How will you create and live a happy, fulfilling life?
People who have love in their lives thrive.
I give my clients proven strategies and tools to address any issues that have kept them from finding success in dating, the ability to move on from those issues, find the right partner and then sustain an incredibly happy and fulfilling relationship and life. People who have love in their lives thrive!
Like Laura, who, when she came to me, had a non-existent dating life. She didn’t think men would find a successful woman like her attractive, and she was resistant to using dating apps. She joined my Success Match program and I completely shifted her perspective around dating, making it a fun and fruitful process. After just 2 months of working together she met her partner and they’ve been together for over a year now. Here’s what she had to say about her experience:
“I would definitely recommend coaching with Trea to others who are looking for a quality partner/relationship and who are ready to take action and to truly engage in the process. Trea understands the situation of single, professionally successful ladies – but she is also clear on where we perhaps stand in our own way. This warm and kind, yet strict, support made the difference for me.”
How would having unconditional love and support from a partner by your side change your life?
If you want to be successful in dating, follow these 7 steps to set yourself up for success. You deserve to find your success match!