Trea Tijmens

Trea Tijmens is a successful matchmaker and award-winning dating expert and coach. Since 2005, Trea successfully helps her select single, divorced and widowed clientèle find love. In this blog she shares dating and relationships tips and advice. Enjoy!

6 Myths About Love That Are Ruining Your Dating Life

Having worked with thousands of single women and men over the past 15+ years, I’ve seen all the excuses, myths and mistakes when it comes to dating and finding the right partner.

If you’ve been dating for years without any luck, or put off dating altogether, it’s possible that at least one of these myths is keeping you from finding a partner.

Before we dive in, there’s one important thing I want to share with you. Oftentimes, it’s easy to see information and think, “I already know this.” When it comes to the myths I’m going to share with you, you may have heard them before. If at any point you find yourself thinking, “I know this already,” I encourage you to ask yourself if you are implementing the tips I share. If not, this is a wonderful opportunity for you to reflect on why that is and start taking action to debunk the myth in your mind and create momentum in your dating life.

Myth #1 - “Love should happen by chance.”

Love can happen by chance, but first you must be ready to receive it and be open to the possibility. You must know how to let love in and create opportunities for chance to happen.

Far too many single women believe that love should “just”happen. Someday, somehow, they will bump into a man who sweeps them of their feet and who turns out to be Mr. Right. They avoid social gatherings and use work as an excuse yet again for why they’re not dating. They do not create any, or not enough opportunities to meet someone, and then wonder why they can’t find a partner. It’s very obvious and yet a common trap single women fall into.

The reality is you have to give chance a chance. If you stay home 24/7, there’s no chance you’ll meet men, and if you don’t meet men, you aren’t dating and the chances of finding the right partner for you are extremely low.

Truth: Love can happen by chance, but you must give chance a chance, you must create opportunities for it.

Tip: What is one simple way you can create more opportunities to meet men this week? For example, maybe you go to places or do activities where there are opportunities to meet men, or sign up for one of the dating apps (if you’re resistant to this - check out myth #6 below).

Myth #2 - “I need to focus on my career first.”

Women in particular have a challenge with this. Many of the women I work with are highly successful professionals. But it can very quickly become a vicious cycle. When you’re single you have time, so you focus on your career. You do well and become successful at what you do. What usually happens is the more time you spend on your career, the less time you have to create opportunities to meet someone.

Many single professional women say that once they meet a great partner, then they’ll make the time for a relationship.

It is so easy to get sucked into this trap and all of sudden years pass and you wonder why love hasn't happened for you.

Truth: If you truly want a lasting and committed relationship, you must dedicate time, energy and resources into dating and finding the right partner.

Tip: Don’t get caught in the career trap. If you’re the type of person who’s constantly using work as an excuse to avoid having to create opportunities to meet other singles, catch yourself the next time you do it and prioritize doing one social activity this week.

Myth #3 - “There are no available men where I live.”

I have worked with single professionals in Geneva, Zurich, Basel, Brussels, Paris, Amsterdam, Stockholm, New York, Madrid, Berlin, and many other cities around the world and single women in every city always believe that where they live is the hardest place to meet men. It’s a fascinating phenomenon.

I recently did a session in one of my private coaching groups about how beliefs shape our reality. Whatever we believe, we see. If you believe there are no men where you live, you won’t see any men.

The first step to overcome this is to be aware of how incredibly powerful the mind is and understand that it shapes our individual reality and experience.

In my coaching program, I have my clients track how many men they observe and where each day. The purpose of this exercise is to become aware and focus on seeing men in their surroundings so they can see more of them.

Whenever my clients first start with this exercise, they’re always amazed that there actually are so many men in their city and that they had been completely oblivious and self sabotaging their chances before.

Truth: There are good men available regardless of where you live.

Tip: Track how many men you see and where you see them this week. Keep a notepad in your purse or use your phone. You’ll likely be surprised to discover just how many men enter your orbit each week once you look up, focus and engage with your environment.

Myth #4 - “I don’t need a dating coach.”

Imagine you want to ski. You can read all the books on skiing, watch all the videos, and ask your friends who are the best skiers for advice, but none of that will not make you a good skier.

You won’t truly learn how to ski until you stand in the snow with your skies under your boots and your goggles fogging up on your face.

The same thing is true with dating. You can read all the self help and dating books, and watch hundreds of videos about how to date on Youtube, but you won’t make any progress unless you go out there and do the thing: date!

Truth: A dating coach helps bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to go. They can uncover blindspots and offer expert support to help you reach your goals faster.

Tip: You may know what to do, but are you actually doing it? If not, consider seeking expert support to help you bridge that gap. To learn more about my Find Your Success Match dating program for women, click here.

Myth #5 - “I will start looking for a partner/dating, once…”

I hear this very often. “I will start looking for a partner/dating, once…”

“...I’m settled in my new job.”
“ career is on track.”
“ son goes off to college.”
“...I lose 10 kilos.”

And the list of reasons why now is not the right time to date goes on and on.

Truth: You do not need until [insert here whatever you feel needs to be done/accomplished/perfected before you can start dating]. Life is such that you rarely have all your ducks in a row. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. Now is the time to make your personal happiness and wellbeing a priority.

Tip: Start dating now. Do not put your goal of finding a life partner on the back burner. Choose to create a life you love with the man you love now.

Myth #6 “Dating apps don’t work. They’re just for hookups.”

Most women will say they prefer to meet a man organically. If you’re like any of the hundreds of women I’ve worked with over the years, you’re likely resistant to using dating apps because “you can not find serious, quality men on Apps” or “it’s not the same as meeting someone in real life.”

What I say to this is always the same: you can meet people in real life, you do not need to date on an App as long as you’re meeting people and going on dates. Then I ask, “How many men have you met organically in real life in the past year?” and “How many dates with men you met organically did you go on in the past year?” This is always an “aha” moment for clients because the answer is typically ZERO or 2 in a whole year and that's simply NOT enough quantity.

It is possible to meet men in real life without using a dating app if you know how to create, recognize and act on opportunities.

Truth: Using a dating app as a starting point is an excellent way to meet men.

Tip: Reflect on how many men you’ve met organically in the past year. If the answer is less than 10, I highly encourage you to use a dating app at least as a first step to meet more men so you can increase your chances of finding a compatible partner.

Those are the 5 myths that keep women from finding love. Take a moment to reflect on these myths and observe how they’re showing up in your life.

Avoid making any judgements. Simply reflect on how they show up in your life. The first step to getting what you want is recognizing any potential blindspots.

What do you believe is standing in the way of you finding the right partner? Comment below and share.

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Sunday, 28 November 2021

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