Happy Valentine’s Day! If you’re single this year, these wishes may sound like a cruel joke. But who said the day of love was only for people in relationships?
In the past two decades I’ve worked with thousands of singles and one thing I know for sure: to find the right partner you must be the right partner. In this blog post I will share some pivotal questions you should ask yourself if you’re serious about finding love this year.
The Myth of Self-Love on Valentine’s Day
The feast of love, celebrated in many parts of the world on the 14th of February, is the day dreaded by many singles. Everywhere you look you’re bombarded with images of happy couples and “Happy Valentine’s Day” cards, and going out in the evening that day can make you feel like you’re the only person who’s not paired up.
Lately big brands and media outlets have realized that there’s a big market niche to cater to – singles on Valentine’s Day. So, from early February you’re bombarded by messages and blog posts about “self-love”.
Spas and cosmetic producers are offering special packages for you to “pamper yourself.” Bloggers and internet graphics are telling you to focus on self-love.
Advertisers left and right are trying to sell you things and services to make you feel “less lonely” that day. One US delivery company even made a campaign, encouraging singles to order themselves a bouquet of red roses with an added bonus – a rose-shaped sex toy to make the Valentine’s Day evening happier.
While all this looks nice on paper – sure it’s fun to take a fragrant bubble bath, drink champagne with your single friends or get yourself a bouquet of roses. Unfortunately, this self-love talk is very short lived, and many singles deep down still feel the desire to love and be loved and start wondering whether they are ever going to find the right partner.
Let’s talk about real self-love.
Do You Really Love Yourself Right Now?
I’ve been a science-based dating coach and elite matchmaker for two decades now. I work with professional and accomplished singles in Switzerland and around the world. When I ask them about their problems, they tell me they have a great life and only one thing is missing – love.
But as we go deeper into what that “great life” consists of, reality kicks in. Some singles keep themselves constantly busy with traveling, social activities, the gym, listening to podcasts and designer shopping, etc., just to avoid feeling the pain about the one big thing that is not working in their lives. Others are married to their job, and when I ask them about their life outside of work, they give me that blind look that suggests their whole life revolves around work only.
Real Self-Love Extends Beyond Valentine’s Day
Really loving yourself means making your own happiness and well-being your number one priority! It means striving for balance between work and personal life.
Self-care is not about getting manicures and going on spa weekend twice a year. It’s about paying attention to your happiness and well-being. Being mindful about what you eat and not snacking on convenience store sweets because you’re so busy running from meeting to meeting.
It’s about being consistent at sports and choosing the types of movement that invigorate you and don’t feel like another chore. I can’t count the number of times I spoke to women who were forcing themselves to hit the gym twice a week and it became evident they would have so much fun taking a salsa class instead!
Real self love is also about being mindful about what you spend your precious time on and who you spend your precious time with.
If you forget about yourself and what you really want, how can you attract a wonderful partner who will share your values and interests and meet your needs?
It All Starts with Being the Right Partner
As cliché as it may sound, to find the right partner you must be the right partner first. So, grab those self-bought Happy Valentine’s Day chocolates, play some background music and dive deeper into your thoughts and feelings to get ready for love.
Here are some of the guiding questions I ask single clients as they begin their dating coaching journey with me:
- Do I feel happy in my life right now? Happiness attracts happiness. You attract the energy you emit, so ensure your energy is positive and hopeful. If you’re not, this energy will show on dates and even your dating app chats. The result? You’ll attract equally unhappy candidates… or no one at all.
- Do I love myself? It’s important to accept and appreciate who you are, a perfectly imperfect human being, just like the rest of us. So many people fall into the romantic trap, believing their partner would make them whole and give them all the love they need.
- What do I do for fun? Do you have any hobbies, interests, or sports you do just because they make you feel good? The ability to play and have fun is one of the foundations of a well-balanced life. And it’s more interesting to talk about someone’s recent hiking adventure or passions than to discuss challenges at work on your first date.
Once you have reflected, it’s time to take action! What habits can you introduce into your daily routine to live a more balanced life and have more energy? How can you become the right partner to match that special person you want to meet this year?
Creating Space for Love in Your Life
The Happy Valentine’s Day self-love message contains another potential trap – you can easily overdo it. I’ve seen this happen, in particular, with single clients who got out of long, difficult relationships or marriages.
Like Janine, who divorced her husband at the age of 49. She contacted SuccessMatch at age 53 and told me she had been unhappy for the last decade of her marriage and wanted to finally catch up on doing the things she loved after her divorce. She also believed that she would somehow meet someone nice once she was ready.
And so, she threw herself out into the world, attending art openings and wine tastings, spending a lot of time in the gym, listening to all sorts of self-development podcasts, buying fancy trips, and taking beauty and wellness self-care to the extreme. All that on top of a high-pressure job. Life was “good” but Janine longed for a wonderful man to share her good life with. Four years passed and she had not met anyone. Not a single date!
It’s time to confront reality and realize that nothing will change unless you change something. Ask yourself, “am I ready to commit my time, energy, and resources to find the right person with whom I can build a happy, mutually fulfilling, lasting relationship?”
And that commitment will be the foundation to take action.
Janine did! She contacted us and joined our group coaching program. She found a wonderful partner and this year is their first Valentine’s Day together.
The Best “Happy Valentine’s Day” Gift You Can Give Yourself
Loving yourself is so much more than getting a facial at a fancy spa. It’s about taking care of your physical and emotional needs on a daily basis.
It’s also about recognizing what really matters in your life and doing everything you can to get it. If you’re serious about finding the right person to give you those honest “Happy Valentine’s Day” cards (and share a fulfilling life with), investing in professional dating support may be the best decision you’ve ever made.
I’ve been a dating coach and elite matchmaker for two decades. My science-based programs guide you step by step to success in love. From clearing your emotional baggage from past relationships, through upgrading your dating skills to meet the demands of the modern world, to choosing the right partner and laying the groundwork for a happy, lasting relationship – I’ve got you covered.
Choose between self-paced dating courses or bespoke dating coaching and world-class matchmaking. Book your free intro call today and find out how working with a dating coach can transform your personal life and help you find the love you dream of.
