Do you remember when you first started dating as a young single? The fun, the excitement! Even with a bit of heartbreak here and there, most people enjoyed the dating process in their young adult years. Until dating fatigue started creeping in…
Once we’ve gotten older, somehow, searching for a partner may feel like an unwanted but necessary task, and dating may start feeling like a burden instead of a joy. Before we know it, we may experience the phenomenon known as “dating fatigue.” Let’s explore why we get tired and overwhelmed with dating and how to overcome it.
What Is Dating Fatigue?
Psychologically speaking, fatigue is much more than being tired. It’s a state of mental exhaustion that sometimes even leads to physical symptoms such as low energy or sleep difficulties.
I see singles experiencing dating fatigue all the time. They come to me as matchmaker and dating coach and already in the first ten minutes of consultation they spill out their frustrations:
- “I hate dating apps. There are only fake profiles and people who want one-night stands.”
- “I think I’m done. I have spend so many hours and tried everything possible to find someone but it’s just not working.”
- “I’m exhausted with all those disaster dates. And when I finally like someone, he/she disappears after one meeting. What’s wrong with me?”
Sound familiar? You may be caught in the dating fatigue crisis yourself.
Signs of Dating Fatigue
Compared to health-related fatigue, the one caused by dating challenges has more mental symptoms. Common signs of dating fatigue include:
- Burnout. You feel like you want to quit and you’re no longer putting your heart into dating. You force yourself to push through but lack enthusiasm towards your dates.
- Apathy. You’re not interested and curious about meeting new singles. You may even notice a general drop in energy; for example, you may avoid going out or doing sports.
- Frustration. You get annoyed when swiping on dating apps and engaging in not-so-friendly conversations with people there.
- Cynicism. You give in to the belief that it’s not even worth trying because all that can happen is another disappointment. Whenever a friend shares news of her/his dates, you make snarky comments instead of being supportive.
Why Successful Professionals Experience Dating Fatigue
When Rebecca decided to go back to dating after divorce, after almost two years of being single, she was sure things would go smoothly. She would go on a few dates, meet some men, and then simply pick the one most suitable for a relationship.
She was an attractive woman in her late 30s and was climbing the career ladder in finance. “I was sure it would be easy to meet men. I was surrounded by them at work and professional networking events!” she told me.
Many successful singles like Rebecca are very confident (rightfully so!) people. They are motivated and believe they will be just as successful in dating as they are in the other areas of their lives. Unfortunately, motivation without a strategy and support is not enough to get you to success in dating. In many ways, dating is like project management at work. Without a plan, straightforward steps, and conscious and consistent action, a successful outcome is hardly possible.
When Motivation Is Not Enough
Rebecca let her trusted friends and colleagues know she was single and open to being introduced to potential partners of similar age and socio-economical standing. She spoke to interesting men at events and started going out for after-work drinks at least once a week.
“I did everything I was supposed to do but nothing happened! Men rarely approached me and if they did, it didn’t lead to a date.”
Frustrated that her plan didn’t work out, she took to dating apps with the same determination. There, things finally started looking up. Matches flooded in and soon enough, Rebecca was going on dates.
“Oh my God, Trea, I could write a book about those dating apps and the guys I met there! I spent hours swiping just to find one or two interesting profiles. And even these turned out to be disappointments. When I met these men for coffee, they turned out to be much older, or shorter, or not as successful as they claimed to be.”
The Emotional Toll Of Dating
The unpredictability of the dating process is another reason professional, highly structured people quickly feel drained. Add to that the emotional complexity of getting your hopes up and being left with rejection, deceit, or plain boredom and you can understand how dating can create stress.
Here are a few other reasons why dating fatigue is common among professional singles:
- It adds pressure to the already packed schedules. Busy people may get a sense of time wasted looking for matches and going on dates that don’t get them closer to their goal of finding the right partner.
- It challenges perfectionist attitudes. Singles who have built top-level careers expect perfection from themselves and their potential partners. When their vision of dating doesn’t meet their expectations, or their matches don’t tick all the boxes on the long list of preferences, they get frustrated and discouraged.
- It exposes our vulnerability. Searching for a life partner means exposing our deepest needs and insecurities. In this process, it’s not enough to show a list of great qualities. Falling in love defies logic and is hard to predict. Being on dating apps or meeting people in real life requires courage and the ability to stand tall and say “yes, I am looking for true love and I want to find a partner to share my life with.”
How to Deal With Dating Fatigue
Fatigue is not a chronic condition; you can snap out of it if you make an effort. The first step to rejuvenate your dating life is being aware of your own state of overwhelm or feelings of frustration and disappointment. Here are my tips for managing dating fatigue:
1. Be Positive But Realistic
Yes, you are looking for a great match but remember, it is a process. It likely won’t happen instantly. Building a connection takes time. Keep an open mind, date consciously and focus on having fun on your dates. See the good in others, give things a chance and keep your own prejudices in check.
2. Pace Yourself
Partner search is more like a marathon than a sprint. With lots of luck you can meet the love of your life within a week of joining a dating app. For most singles, however, the journey is longer. It can take anywhere between a few months to over a year to find someone suitable to build a happy, lasting, relationship. Make sure you keep your motivation going and when your batteries are running low, recharge.
3. Take Regular Breaks
Speaking of recharging, in dating, your mental well-being is everything. If you show up sad, frustrated, or cynical, what do you think your date will feel? Notice those moments when you dread going on dates or swiping on apps. They call for taking a short break during which you will focus on doing things you like and give you a positive energy boost.
4. Choose Your Friends Wisely
Take a good, honest look at your friends and family and ask yourself if these people have your back when it comes to your dating goals. If you have friends who have a negative view of relationships and the opposite sex in general, limit your contact while you focus on your personal life, or make it very clear that you don’t want to hear those snarky comments and demotivating stories of heartbreak and betrayal. Surround yourself with people who are positive, empowering, supportive, and on your team when it comes to finding you a great match.
5. Get Support from a Dating Coach
As a busy professional, you are used to getting professional support to help you excel in whatever you do. Why not take a similar approach in your love life? Getting expert support and guidance from a dating coach is a game-changer and helps you find love faster!
As an award-winning dating expert and science-based dating coach, I am there to guide you through the dating jungle to success. I ensure that my clients have a dating journey that is enjoyable, sustainable, and successful.
From Dating Fatigue To Thriving In Your Partner Search
When Rebecca contacted SuccessMatch for date coaching, she was burned out by dating. She had been literally all over the place to try to find a suitable partner.
After the initial excitement of dating on an app, she got completely sucked up by it. She had many matches but could not see the wood for the trees – her dates went nowhere, and she felt exhausted and wanted to get off the hamster-wheel!
We made her take a short break from dating all together to focus on herself, getting her positive energy back and setting her up for success in dating.
We asked her to delete her profiles on the app as the algorithms no longer worked in her favor and helped her create a new, attractive and effective dating profile.
We set up a dating strategy and enabled her to create opportunities to meet someone in real life while doing things that she loved, as well as creating opportunities on an app.
We supported her in limiting the time spent on the apps, date more consciously whilst putting the fun back into dating. Within four months of working together, Rebecca met Patrick on Bumble. We supported her throughout the dating process and worked on some important relationship skills together. Rebecca and Patrick moved in together last February.
Get Out Of The Dating Rut And Find The Right Partner
As a successful, driven professional, you know what you want. You’re looking for a partner who shares your values and has the same long-term goals. If finding that person takes longer than expected, you understandably feel tired and risk falling into dating fatigue.
Taking the time to check in with yourself, recharging your emotional batteries, and gaining some distance from the whole process will help you get back in the game with new energy. Stay patient, trust the process, keep momentum, date consciously, focus on building authentic connections and get the right support.
In a dating rut? Working with a science-based dating coach can help! Book a free intro call today and benefit from my 19 years of experience as an elite matchmaker and dating expert.
